Cannot Be Unseen
by Daisy1600
Summary: Puma and Johnny are kinky mofo's, and Vamp and Matt really wish they weren't the ones to figure that out. Lucha Underground


Work Text:

Lucha Underground's color commentators, Matt Striker and Vampiro, were wandering the dirty, dingy halls of the Temple, searching for their dynamic duo of a tag-team, Johnny Mundo and Prince Puma, when they finally came across a door with a voice talking on the other side of it. Could it possibly be Johnny, the man they've been searching for for the last twenty or so minutes?

Okay, now let me explain why Matt and Vamp are being creepers in order to find the two Luchadores...

Dario Cueto had sent his commentators to find the couple to have a lil chit chat with em', and after they asked him why he couldn't make someone else do it, he threatened to fire them. So here they are, putting their ears against doors to find them. Not weird at all.

"Should I do it? Or do you wanna?" Vamp asked his partner.

Matt scoffed and pushed the other commentator toward the door. "Hell no, brother. You do it."

Vamp shrugged and twisted the doorknob, pushing it open and wishing he didn't. There Prince Puma and Johnny Mundo were, laying on the floor with the Prince wearing a baby blue colored bonnet atop his Luchador mask, shirtless as always, but wearing a matching bib and a large white diaper. And Johnny Mundo, for once, was wearing a shirt, one that had the words 'Big Daddy' written on it in large blue letters, as well as a blue striped tie and- dress pants!? Since when did Johnny get a pair of those? All Vamp's ever seen him wear outside the ring have been blue jeans with bejeweled back pockets and some sneakers.

Well, anyway, let's get back to what the tag-team partners were doing. Johnny was holding a baby bottle full of what Vamp assumed was milk, his other hand on the younger Luchador's back so he could sit up to drink.

"Such a good baby boy," Mundo said, leaning in to peck the Prince on the forehead. Puma responded with little 'goo goo gaga' sounds that made Vamp wanted to bleach his eyes and ears. He'd definitely be calling his mental health specialist to schedule in extra therapy hours this weekend.

The two Luchadores hadn't noticed the commentators presence, and he'd like to keep that way. So Vampiro slowly backed up and closed the door. Matt had stayed back a few feet, so he hadn't actually seen what was going on inside the room.

Vamp turned to look at his partner with the look of utter shock and disgust on his face. Not at the fact that a same-sex couple were partaking in the act, but because he knew them and had to look them in the eye after this revelation. Well, at least try to. Matt came closer when Vamp looked like he was about to collapse, putting his arms around the larger man to hold him steady.

"Woah, you okay there Vamp?"

"N-no.. I am not okay."

Matt scrunched his face up in confusion. "Why? What's going on in there?"

"Don't go in there, brother. There's nothing but hours of therapy down the road if you open that door." Matt, confused and slightly intrigued, leaned his partner against a wall and watched him slide down it to curl up into he fetal position, then approached and slowly opened the door. His eyes landed on the scene in front of him, and this time, the tag-team duo, and couple, turned around.

All Matt saw was milk running down Puma's chest and nipples, and Johnny's chin, and he was running for the hills with Vamp's hand in his.

"J-jesus Christ! What the hell was _that_?" Matt said as soon as they were safley hidden inside a broom closet that had a leak in the roof, brown water slowly dripping and getting dangerously close to his partner. They had to stick close together as to not catch some disease from accidentally touching the toxic ceiling water.

"I-I don't know, Matt. But whatever _that_ was, is more scarring than any vampire cult I've ever been in, and that's really saying something."

"Should we tell someone or run off to Florida to retire and change our names to Juan and Ricardo and get facial transplants?"

"Woah, woah, **woah**. Slow down there, brother. We're not moving to **Florida**. Anywhere but Florida, okay? Maybe Mexico where the water is poisonous to the touch, but not Florida. I'm kinda banned from there... don't ask."

"Okay, Mexico it is." Striker said as he attempted to even out his erratic breathing. It was easy to calm down when his partner Vamp was by his side. They fell into a comfortable silence and eventually exited the broom closet once they deemed the coast to be clear. Surprisingly, they didn't escape to Mexico to run away from their problems, but instead went home. Well, at least they tried to go home. They got stopped by Dario on the way to their cars.

"Where the hell are my Luchadores?" The short man shouted at them.

Vamp clenched his fists and breathed heavily. Matt, noticing his partners distress, walked over to grab onto his arm and talk to their boss.

"Look, we found them but it wasn't pretty.. they were in a bit of a, uh, compromising position." when it looked like Dario was about to ask about what 'compromising position' they found the two Luchadores in, Matt cut him off. "Don't ask."

"Okay... so you're telling me that you found my two Luchadores, but you can't tell me where?" Dario pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes until they were little slits on his face.

"Yes." said Vamp. His partner smacked him in the chest.

"You know that leaky, disgusting broom closet near that old room filled with extra practice mats? Yeah, we found them there. Have fun being scarred for life, _jefé_." spat Striker.

Matt and Vamp turned away from their boss and got in their respective vehicles, driving off and leaving Dario to stand in the middle of the parking lot, confused and slightly intrigued.

It was fight night here at the Lucha Underground Temple, and it was a tag-team match. Johnny Mundo and Prince Puma vs. Sexy Star and The Mack.

Johnny and Puma had just entered the ring when Vampiro began spewing nonsense into his headset.

"Aye, Brother, not that I've ever seen it. Like, ever. But wouldn't Prince Puma look adorable in a bonnet and diaper?"

"And drinking milk from a bottle? Awe, Vamp. I actually could imagine that happening. In a non-creepy way, of course. But uh, we have all sorts of people here at the Lucha Underground Temple. We don't judge here. Especially if one of our.. other Luchadores was caught in the middle of a.. strange act with the Champion."

"Brother, I went to a really dark place after that encounter. I mean, I've been in therapy all week. My doctor even had to prescribe be a new prescription. I'm- I'm not the same man I was a week ago. It's- it's not been easy on me man."

"Me neither, Vamp. I actually had to go to therapy for the first time in my life. It.. it wasn't pretty. Anyway, would you look at that! It's a couples vs couples tag-team match! As we all know, Sexy and Mack, Johnny and our champion, Prince Puma, have been in monogamous relationships for quite some time. Let's see how they work together now that they've, uh, gotten to know each other better in the most intimate of ways!"

"Brother, me and my ex-wife used to get into a lot of kinky, messed up stuff, and I really hope for the sake of our Luchadores' mental health that they aren't doing anything of the sort."

"I don't know Vamp, with those leather pants of Johnny's and that mask of Puma's... I wouldn't be surprised if they got into some freaky stuff in the bedroom."

"Ah, Jesus, Matt. After what you just said, I'll be needing to schedule an extended therapy session with my therapist tonight. Just... the images messed me up real bad, I don't know how I'm even gonna be able to stay here for the whole fight with image of Johnny Mundo wearing slacks and a tie, wearing a shirt that says 'big daddy' on it. Not- not that I've ever seen that..." Vamp laughed nervously and looked to his partner for help.

"Okay, back to the fight, ladies and gentlemen! Prince Puma looks like he's ready to kick some ass as his partner, Johnny, let's him get it started in the ring with The Mack. What do you think, Vamp? How's The Mack gonna fair against our Lucha Underground Champion?" Matt looks to his partner for an answer, eyes lingering just a bit too long, which was normal when he was around Vamp.

"I don't know, brother. The Mack may look like a sumo wrestler, but he's one of the best high-flyers we've got here at Lucha Underground. But... I think our champ is gonna be just fine, though."

"Senior referee Mary Alias in the ring, observing as our Champion shakes hands with The Mack before the bell rings to signal the start of the fight. Ooh, Prince Puma sends a flying kick to the side of The Macks head and The Mack retaliates, using the ropes for speed and sending a flying kick to our champ's stomach! Oh! And he's down now, Mack's got him in a choke hold and Puma is wise to make a grab for the ropes- and he's got 'em. The senior referee, Marty Alias, counts to 4 before The Mack releases our champ..."

Matt Striker continues commenting for the duration of the fight, getting his partner, Vamp's, opinion on something every now and then. Such as how Matt asked him what a DDT feel likes, and Vamp replied with a long list of reasons why it paralyzes you in pain and seriously messes you up as a person, causing you to have years upon years of therapy under your belt. But that's just Vamp.

Toward the end of the match, Johnny and Puma both sent both Sexy Star and The Mack flying outta the ring and Johnny Mundo brought Sexy over to the announcers table where Vamp and Matt were commentating on the match- and why on earth the fighters were getting so close to them.

Matt was quick to get outta his chair and away from the desk, but Vamp wasn't as quick as his partner all because his headset was caught around his neck when he tried to get it off. And so he got Sexy Star thrown into him, causing him to fly into the rows of chairs behind him where everyone had, luckily, evacuated in time for his body to slam into them.

"Shit, are you okay, Vamp?" Matt asked his partner, who was groaning and writhing around on a row of wooden chairs.

"That's what you get!" Johnny Mundo shouted and pointed at the color commentators.

Matt felt like an idiot and watched as Johnny stalked back over to the ring, dragging Sexy Star by the arm.

"N-no..." Vamp whimpered out. Matt helped him off the chairs and to his feet and helped him back into his seat at the desk where he then put his headset back on and put the monitors back into place from where they had been knocked down, dangling from their cords.

"And we're back, sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen. Looks like Johnny Mundo wanted to get his revenge on us for.. being a bit too intrusive. And I didn't think I'd be saying this, but I think we kinda deserved it." Vamp turned to glare at his partner.

"Speak for yourself, brother. You didn't just get over a hundred pounds of weight thrown at you at thirty miles an hour."

"I don't think it was quite _that_ fast, Vamp. I mean, maybe twenty-five- but not thirty."

Vamp glared at his partner, pretending to be angrier for longer than he actually is.

Matt moves his mic away from his mouth to speak privately to him. "Hey, seriously Vamp, I'm sorry." he moves a hand behind his partners back to lightly rub at his newly inflicted injuries. "You okay?"

Vamp hissed in pain at the contact, but allowed Matt to continue rubbing at his injuries. He moved his microphone away from his mouth to speak to Striker without everybody else overhearing them. "No, brother. No. I'm gonna need hours upon hours of physical, and psychological, therapy. And even that won't fix what has been done to me."

Matt sent his partner a empathetic look and moved the little mic back in front of his mouth to continue speaking for the rest of the fight between the two couples.

After they left the Temple that night, planning on just going their separate ways, Matt ends up stopping Vamp just before he opens his car door.

"Wait- Vamp." the man in question turned to look at his partner, startled. "Mm?"

"I, uh..." Striker started.

"Wanna get a drink with me?" Vamp raised an eyebrow, questioning his partner's motives. "I just don't wanna.. You shouldn't be alone tonight."

Vamp closed his eyes, holding his breath for a beat only to let it all out again a second later with open eyes that were trained directly on his partner and dear friend, Matthew Striker. "Sure." he swallowed harshly, throat suddenly feeling as dry as his knuckles.

"Yeah... I'd like that."

"Cool. We taking your car?"

Vamp pointed his head in the direction of his vehicle, silently telling his friend to get in, then going around and doing the same.

"Let us drink to forget, Matthew." that got his partner to stop what he was doing for a moment and look at him.

"Dude, you never call me by my full name.." his seatbelt clicked into place.

Vamp, always pale Vamp, actually blushed at that. "I-I.. you better shut up, brother." Matt smiled widely, lightly bumping his shoulder against his partners.

"There's the Vamp I know and-"

"Love?"

"Yeah, man. I love you."


End file.
